Still Enough to Sleep in Peace

Earlier this week my mom was admitted to the hospital for unstable blood pressure.  Scary.  She did everything correct, took the aspirin, went to the ER.  Still scary.  As a healthcare professional, I have been taught to systematically think through medical situations and therefore could advise mom matter-of-factly on what to do when she was not feeling well.  Unfortunately my clinical reasoning didn't prepare me for how I would feel knowing she was critically at risk for a heart attack or stroke or worse.  I didn't sleep well Sunday night...

It's been my practice for years to try and wind down and prepare for sleep.  I love to don my favorite PJs and cuddle with a book.  Absolutely no television for at least an hour before bed.  Monday and Thursday evenings are best because I teach yoga and know my slumber will be especially peaceful after class--my body fatigued and mind clear.  I'm the happiest when my sleep is deep and plentiful!  Sleep has been shown to have many benefits, yet remains a scientific mystery.  According to Psalm 4:8, sleep is an act of trust in God, an expression of our faith:  "In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe".

It's really hard to feel safe when there is a serious threat to the health and well-being of your mother or anyone else you hold dear.  Many life changing events and traumas have left me sleepless as I was unable to lie down in peace:

The night before traveling across the world to Hawaii, knowing I would be far away from my kids for an entire week.  (I did find God in the Pacific tropics on Maui and slept very well there).

The week of restless nights after the tornado hit our home. 

Preparing for that first employee termination meeting as a manager. 

My first night away from home as a college freshman.

After losing my dad, I spent at least a month with insomnia and it became evident to me how we put our faith in our parents.  Dad died and I felt lost because an organic object of my faith had disappeared.  No wonder I couldn't sleep.  Transferring this faith to God was no easy task, but did eventually prove beneficial to help me lie down and sleep in peace again.

As mom is now stable and I have slept much better, I'm well aware that another anxiety provoking event will try to possess my repose.  I'm also more aware that there will be a day that I will have to practice faith without my mom.   For now, I'm grateful to have her as an object of faith and for the faith to be still enough to catch some zzzzz's in peace.

Good Night.