When Blessings Become Obligation in Long-Term Relationships

Last week I shared my anxiety over taking my four children on a Memorial Day Weekend trip.  Yes, the Christian Yoga Instructor experiences anxiety and considers it a sign that something needs to change.  It's not the trip itself that was burdening me, it was the imbalance with my personal time.  Being with my kids requires a lot of energy and attentiveness and "too much quality time" feels burdensome.  I spend a lot of time wearing the mom hat and I love my children dearly, unfortunately the role and responsibilities of mom have started eating at me to the point where spending time with my little blessings is seen through the scope of obligation.  Some obligations are a joy, say a job you love or giving a tithe or donation; my children had moved into the obligation category of taxes or cleaning the garage.   Listening to my instincts and own advice, I postponed the trip and took some time of solitude away to discover how I could change my perspective and enjoy being with my kids again. 
After sitting in solitude for hours, hidden away in the beautiful public Indiana Arts Museum Gardens, I heard nothing.  Unfortunately there are no mountains or deserts in Indiana (usual Biblical locations where God reveals something profound) and I was hungry so I decided to pack up and get dinner.  Enjoying my Mediterranean cuisine at a patio table for one on a beautiful sunny evening with low humidity (rare in Indiana), it hit me! I need to see my children through the scope of opportunity, not obligation.

We value long term relationships.  When a couple has been married for any length of time, we celebrate.  The longer the relationship, the bigger the party. Weddings celebrate an anticipated life-long union.  Our closest and longest relationships are those that lend us opportunity for the most spiritual growth.  They really do cut to the heart and shape our soul.  Completely expecting all of my children to outlive me, I am grateful that I have the opportunity to spend the rest of my life with all four of them!  They may live at different proximities from me and hold varying philosophies from me, however, they will continue to lend me opportunity the most opportunity for my spiritual growth.  And let's just say I have LOTS of opportunities! 

 

Realistically, I know my perspective of obligation doesn't change overnight. Taking time to meditate on the opportunities my children bring to my life is essential.  Certainly this will help me become more grateful and graceful with them! In the interterm and on the practical side of life, I decided to get a babysitter one afternoon a week this summer to allot me time and space to think.  I don't have to be the do-it-all-yourself-perfect-mom.  Having this arrangement and time to hear God's direction, I can honestly say I am now looking forward to taking our postponed trip this weekend.