3 Mindful Tips on Dealing with Conflict

If you've lived life for any length, you are aware that obstacles come, often taking us by surprise and typically resulting in some sort of conflict. What we are offended by and how we respond in conflict reveals volumes about us. Practicing yoga and meditation has certainly influenced my response to being offended...I've become more flexible..

 So here are 3 mindful tips to help you deal with conflict and hopefully become more graceful:

1. Why Am I Offended?--A simple answer to a simple question: EGO! Perhaps rightfully so, we typically feel disrespected somehow. Our image may have been threatened or our imperfection revealed, often our status was not recognized or our world order was disrupted (this happens when my kids make a mess of the house!). Intrinsically we want authority over our dominion and don't particularly like to share. We expect others to conform to our ideals or expectations. The unconscious self-talk says, "I'm right and they are wrong" or "THIS IS WRONG". Yes we can be big toddlers. There is certainly times and places to be offended, however, often the best way to deal with conflict is not to be offended in the first place!

2. Discovering the Emotional Lesson--I am a believer that there is an emotional lesson behind conflict. Family is the best teacher for this. Growing up in a family with frequent conflict and now raising a family of my own (fortunately with much less conflict), I have learned many emotional lessons such as:
When my child is struggling to learn a lesson, I need to be more patient.
When my mom barks orders forgetting I'm an adult, I need to practice child-like submission.
When my husband is distant, I need to allow him space.
Understanding that I choose to be hurt by these instances, or choose to grow from these instances has been liberating to me. A side benefit is that I experience less conflict.

3. Assume the Best--Perception becomes reality. We certainly want others to assume our best intentions, especially when we blew it. My husband has often reminded me of this, which has been some of the best advice I have ever received. Assuming the best in others will bring out the best in you, them and the entire situation. This is different than denial or being a door mat; this is sprinkling grace onto the world by giving the benefit of doubt.

Using these mindful strategies has helped me grow in gracefulness with others. Conflict is a matter of our judgement, we have the opportunity to look at the world and see the the "wrong" of others or decide to look within and determine what emotional lesson God has in store for me. Jesus reminds us on judging, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." The conflict in your life, is truly a reflection of you.

3 Tips on How to Let Go of Your Past

Life is full of circumstances and events that often paralyze us. The repercussions of untimely deaths, abuse, injustice and more continue to resonate in our lives as if they are happening now. We believe the message our past reminds us on how powerlessness and insignificant we can be. The more I navigate life, I realize a growing need to accept Christ's forgiveness and grace; though, somehow it's hard to let go and let the past be the past.

Letting go of the past and knowing Christ's grace frees us to embrace the future, no matter our age or circumstance. This is an ongoing process as we are people with memories and baggage and some memories and baggage weigh heavy in our subconscious.  I personally am still letting go of who I was and embracing what I am and who God has called me to be--my voicemail is getting full, can I say delete?  From this process I share with you 3 tips of what has helped me let go of my past:

1.  Meditate--It's hard to know what you really think if you aren't taking the time to listen to yourself.  Meditation can be very scary for people for just this reason, we think some scary things sometimes.  Sitting still and breathing as we listen to our irrational and condemning selves gives us courage and teaches us to have grace upon ourselves.  Through meditation I have learned not to spend $500 dollars on a $5 problem from the past (even when it was a $50,000 problem at the time!)

2.  Gratitude--I often tell my son, "When you think of good things, you will have a good life; when you think of bad things, you will have a bad life."  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree and sometime the advice we give our kids is just the advice we need for ourselves!  Taking time daily to give thanks for the smallest of things builds the foundation to outweigh and push out negative things that ensnare our spirits.  Jesus gave thanks before each miracle which tells me miracles aren't going to happen without an element of gratitude.

3.  Vision--Whether you want better relationships, a new career or added blessings, it takes a lot of courage to believe the best is coming because that involves change and trying new things that we will likely not be successful in, at least at first. Creating a vision for what you want, even if cloudy and distorted, allows you to bring that to God and manifest in your life. When starting my business, I had to take the time to envision what I wanted to accomplish with my business and how this would fit into my life. My life was already full so it required letting go of some of my present, and well, dropping the weight of my past. Making decisions and working towards your vision is your responsibility in faith. 

Letting go of the past is certainly easier to discuss than do, it takes an incredible amount of emotional energy though allows you to find God's grace. Daily practice of these three tips will send your past to voicemail, filling it up--delete!